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But it’s the not knowing for sure that cause the panic. I was raised in a church and believed in God and Heaven and everything that goes with it. When I got older, I realized that church wasn’t for me, what with various beliefs and doctrines, so I stopped going. I finally settled on that I believe that there is SOMETHING out there, but not ‘God’ as he/she was presented to me when I was a child. Some part of my brain just couldn’t handle all of the crap that was served to me on the silver platter that was organized religion. So, here I am without something to believe in when, apparently, I need something. I’ve thought about medication for anxiety. I’ve talked to my doctor and read through the effects and side-effects. I don’t think meds are the answer. It’s the worst at night. I go to bed, feeling very peaceful, and then something happens to trigger thoughts of death in my mind and if I’m lucky, I can get rid of them. Other nights, they stay there at the front of my mind, so that no. Her older brother Mike who was at home for the week with a lull in his work offered to drive her to the hospital and back and tend her in that 24 hour period right after the operation to make certain everything was in functional order.Since this first operation was not involving any internal organs, there was less risk involved and it was more of a routine operation catching the cancer in an early stage and removing it before it spread to other parts of the body.Diane was glad that her brother was accompanying her instead of her mother. She loved her mother dearly but she had a way of changing everything so it was all about her and nobody else no matter the problem or the gravity of the situation. Sometimes her eternal optimism drove her bananas with her narrow view of the world around her.Mike was a salesman and he traveled for his company to several different states gathering orders for the factory located down by the river in their town. Their older brother had the same job but he.
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